I want it all banned!

I keep reading and hearing about all these different programs and militant idealists who want to control every facet of our lives from what we eat, smell like, drive etc...

and I don't think they go far enough.

Examples:

The other day I was at the grocery store and I had to go down the aisle containing the donuts and snack cakes to get to the broccoli and there was this person, who was so big, I couldn't get me and the cart past them.  I suddenly realized that in order to control obesity in America we need a strong ban.

I suggest we put a ban on spoons and forks.

My neighbor was getting his grass cut recently and when I stepped outside I actually sneezed from the smell of fresh cut grass and the dust in the air.  I was offended that he was having his grass cut so close to my domicile. It's even worse when the leaf blower kicks in.

I suggest we put a ban on landscaping

I was on an elevator the other day when a very attractive woman got on, she smelled very good too. I noticed the creepy weirdo in the corner immediately put his hands in his pockets and was drooling.

I suggest that all women wear brown sofa covers and WD-40 cologne from now on to keep the weirdo's in check.

While attending a local carnival/festival I noticed that there were no stands offering carob coated celery or peas on a stick but there were plenty of stands offering hamburgers, waffles and ice cream.
This is not helping Americans control their urges.

I suggest we ban all stands at all fairs and festivals unless they only offer gluten free, fat free, sugar free, meat free, cholesterol free, and taste free products because we have no self control.


Sub-consciously, while I am sleeping late at night, I must be hearing a train whistle as it goes through town and it is making me dream of Choo Choo Charlie and Good n Plenty candy which then makes me want to eat sugar coated cereal when I wake up and we can't have that.

I suggest we ban all train movement in the country after 9pm

Breaking Ground

Welcome to my first blog on anything except cleaning. I am calling this Driving to Donuts since it will cover a wide variety of topics and none of them seriously.  Oh, I will probably attempt to entertain you on some aspects of the cleaning industry from time to time but it's not going to be the focus of this space to do any of my rants or raves on the industry.

For my first foray were going to discuss one of my personal favorites: Appropriately when you're driving and when you should be getting donuts because of the people driving around you.  Yeah, I have road rage issues but I'm proud of them.

Dedicated to:

All the people who should not be allowed to drive a motor vehicle in any state where I am driving. (maybe your state as well)

When you should stop, turn around, search for and find a donut shop:

If:

You can't see the head of the driver in the car in front you

You can see the head and the hair is gray or blue

The car load of teenage girls are bopping their heads and waving their hands to whatever music is on.

The station wagon/minivan in front of you is so packed with crap you can't see in and you know they can't see out.  Busted, sagging shock absorbers included

A hand keeps shooting up to play with the GPS device on the dash, they are lost and so are you.

If the dome light in the vehicle in front of you stays on for more than 30 seconds while driving, you're screwed, they are doing it to you, go get a chocolate donut with sprinkles.

The old man, in a hat, is waving his hands at the old lady who is shaking her finger in his face.  Unless of course you are also going to the bingo hall???????

The driver in front you is attempting a vulcan mind meld with their cell phone by pushing it into their brain via their ear.  In others words, if their elbow is up, you deserve a strawberry jelly donut cuz they ain't driving and your life is on the line.

If you can see a moving little screen of light, it does not mean their GPS is on a bungee cord, it means they are trying to text while driving, go get a nice lemon iced donut.

If the entire car in front of you or next to you is vibrating and shaking louder than a KISS concert they aren't driving, they are advertising, they can't hear you cussing at them and they think your hand gestures are gang signs and are now looking for ammo. Go get a fried donut.